That’s interesting. But to be honest, often the only reason people in the past, especially women and children, were friendly with neighbors was because they had no way to reach out to people outside their neighborhood. When I was little, none of the women in our neighborhood had cars or drivers licenses. So they did not have the freedom to choose their friends.
In my neighborhood neighbors are still friendly with each other AND become friends. It’s so lovely. Friends outside of the neighborhood require so much more planning and effort to see. Never underestimate the power of belonging and informal social interactions ❤️ It was life changing for us.
Just listen and have so many aha‘s. She definitely has happened. I think unknowingly to the partnership society history that I keep going into. I’m actually seeing a path forward when I combine this with my work. And then sit with us for a little bit, but will be backfor more comments.
ooh - so excited to hear. Wondering if she has knowingly or unknowingly pierced the Patriarchal Lens I keep going on about that we need to do to reimagine our society. Will see if she is on Audible too, since I can listen more than read. Thanks for sharing...and will listen to your episode here hopefully in a little bit on the treadmill!
This brings so much into focus for me. In Germany, the high hedges and closed blinds aren’t just about privacy—they reflect a growing suspicion and rigidity that makes open connection feel almost impossible. Social distancing during COVID made this worse, but it started long before.
I think about the shift with smoking bans in restaurants, then pubs. People said, “I can eat and drink at home,” and with that, shared spaces disappeared. Changing school demographics could have been a moment for inclusion, but without support, it led to more division—more “us versus them.”
COVID didn’t just separate us physically; it cut into the exchange between communities. Instead of fostering multicultural exchange and mutual growth, we ended up with more isolation, more othering. It feels like a call to look deeper at what’s really keeping us apart. Thank you for sharing this.
Fascinating listen and resonates with a lot of my thoughts on community recently. I’m excited to dive into the book and learn more from the urban planning side. On a community side, I’ve been trying to foster connection amongst women in my own neighborhood by e.g., creating a neighborhood GroupMe where we can communicate and plan group get-togethers. My theory echoes some of the other comments on this thread - that it is in some ways easier to build friendships with neighbors because you have the advantage of bumping into each other more frequently.
I lived in a pretty typical suburb in West Virginia for most of my adult life. I struggled there because I didn't want a lawn. I wanted a garden-forest combo. Neighbors didn't like me digging up all my sod and planting in unusual places and ways. I'm still shocked at how much closer I am to my neighbors now that I live in urban Honolulu.
This book sounds so compelling; you had me at "from the perspective of a woman, family member, and mother - the person for whom suburbia was purportedly built but who is, in reality, its most neglected inhabitant." It also sounds hopeful, and what we need is hope and a positive way forward.
Caroline Criado Perez talks about the inherent sexism of urban planning in Invisible Women (everyone should read)--and the (unintentional?) consequence of cutting women off from their daily lives. Sounds like it's all intertwined!
Love this conversation! Such a compelling perspective of community indeed.
Thank you Dominique! I'm so glad you found the conversation compelling and thank you so much for your comment!
That’s interesting. But to be honest, often the only reason people in the past, especially women and children, were friendly with neighbors was because they had no way to reach out to people outside their neighborhood. When I was little, none of the women in our neighborhood had cars or drivers licenses. So they did not have the freedom to choose their friends.
In my neighborhood neighbors are still friendly with each other AND become friends. It’s so lovely. Friends outside of the neighborhood require so much more planning and effort to see. Never underestimate the power of belonging and informal social interactions ❤️ It was life changing for us.
Just listen and have so many aha‘s. She definitely has happened. I think unknowingly to the partnership society history that I keep going into. I’m actually seeing a path forward when I combine this with my work. And then sit with us for a little bit, but will be backfor more comments.
So glad you enjoyed our discussion! And yes, there were a lot of aha! moments for me as well!
ooh - so excited to hear. Wondering if she has knowingly or unknowingly pierced the Patriarchal Lens I keep going on about that we need to do to reimagine our society. Will see if she is on Audible too, since I can listen more than read. Thanks for sharing...and will listen to your episode here hopefully in a little bit on the treadmill!
She hasn’t recorded the audio book yet but is in the process. Stay tuned :)
This brings so much into focus for me. In Germany, the high hedges and closed blinds aren’t just about privacy—they reflect a growing suspicion and rigidity that makes open connection feel almost impossible. Social distancing during COVID made this worse, but it started long before.
I think about the shift with smoking bans in restaurants, then pubs. People said, “I can eat and drink at home,” and with that, shared spaces disappeared. Changing school demographics could have been a moment for inclusion, but without support, it led to more division—more “us versus them.”
COVID didn’t just separate us physically; it cut into the exchange between communities. Instead of fostering multicultural exchange and mutual growth, we ended up with more isolation, more othering. It feels like a call to look deeper at what’s really keeping us apart. Thank you for sharing this.
Fascinating listen and resonates with a lot of my thoughts on community recently. I’m excited to dive into the book and learn more from the urban planning side. On a community side, I’ve been trying to foster connection amongst women in my own neighborhood by e.g., creating a neighborhood GroupMe where we can communicate and plan group get-togethers. My theory echoes some of the other comments on this thread - that it is in some ways easier to build friendships with neighbors because you have the advantage of bumping into each other more frequently.
I lived in a pretty typical suburb in West Virginia for most of my adult life. I struggled there because I didn't want a lawn. I wanted a garden-forest combo. Neighbors didn't like me digging up all my sod and planting in unusual places and ways. I'm still shocked at how much closer I am to my neighbors now that I live in urban Honolulu.
This book sounds so compelling; you had me at "from the perspective of a woman, family member, and mother - the person for whom suburbia was purportedly built but who is, in reality, its most neglected inhabitant." It also sounds hopeful, and what we need is hope and a positive way forward.
Caroline Criado Perez talks about the inherent sexism of urban planning in Invisible Women (everyone should read)--and the (unintentional?) consequence of cutting women off from their daily lives. Sounds like it's all intertwined!
This really gave me so much to think about. Still chewing on it and savoring